The Lost Keys Cabal
Church Of The Persistent Disruption

Kallisti Apple

Welcome to the Lost Keys Cabal

Church Of The Persistent Disruption

Reverend Stormageddon Shambolic

If you have found your way here, you are most likely lost.


This church congregation disbands every Friday just before prayer

services, and just after the traditional partaking of the holy hot dog.

Friendy Hills Bowling Ally 

The Firendly Hills Bowling Ally has closed it doors. This bowling ally is the birthplace of the Discordian movement.

Hail Eris, Hail Discordia!

How to spot a cabbage in a human patch.

First and foremost you should not make it your goal to avoid cabbages completely.  I'm sure there are some fine cabbages who lead good honest productive lives, and have never tried to infiltrate the government or the church of your chosen religion.  Most simply lay around the house and play World Of Warcraft, or The Sims, and make plans for world domination that they will never follow through with.


I once had a roommate who I suspected of being a cabbage in disguise.  As far as roommates go it was pretty typical and there was no obvious tension between us to speak of. My first suspicion of him being a cabbage was his sloth like laziness.  He would spend countless hours locked in his room with the TV blaring .  He would often have friends over and I would hear strange ritualistic drumming and chanting. During these nocturnal sessions, the strong intoxicating odor of sauerkraut would fill the air until the drumming stopped.   I never saw any of his friends leave, and I always suspected they met some untimely demise.  Other than these strange occurrences he was an exemplary roommate, and paid his part of the rent on time every month.

1. Cabbages usually are short in stature. This isn't a hard and fast rule, as they can stack on top of each other to obtain a more human appearance.  Trench coats can hide a lot of disguise flaws.

2 .They love wearing green..

3. They tend to watch a lot of The History Channel, especially when there is a Hitler marathon on.

4. They are not great conversationalists. rudimentary grunts and pointing are about all they can muster in the way of communication. This hasn't stopped them from reaching some very high levels of government and  the privet sector. There are in fact eight cabbages in the US Senate and House of Congress. 

5 Cabbages only fear two things, Large boiling pots of water, and Cabbage patch Dolls. I believe they think they are the bastard offspring of humans and cabbages. They live in fear of paternity suites and child support.


Hail Eris, Hail Discordia